Summer

Hello, You Beautiful Thing - Jason Mraz

I woke up today.

It was cloudy, I had a feeling it would rain today. 

A day off. And no sun. Well, that's the normal Finnish weather. I'm not complaining. 

It's time to enjoy things you can do inside. For example: go to the library next doors and read today's newspaper, go to have lunch (SUSHI) with friends, and stop by at the mall to do some shopping.

Summer goes fast.

Like a train towards the last stop. 

What will be the last stop of this summer?

For me, it will probably be a holiday trip to Kos.

What about for you?

Thinking about Ecuador

Thanks to Facebook, I can still contact my family in Ecuador. It's such an amazing thing to have some kind of contact to people on the other side of the world. It was so nice to hear news from them and also news about Ecuador! Wow, I was really surprised to hear that there are some changes going on! I was also amazed by the fact that my host sister does her homework everyday until 12 pm. I just can't understand how they have some much homework there..I actually really started to miss that family that I have over there. It's a weird feeling. I hope I have the chance to visit them soon, because the chance that they would come here is a bit smaller..unfortunately.

At home

A weekend at home, alone. I feel like I haven't done anything although a friend came for a coffee, I went to the gym, cleaned my room, looked through my salaries and counted how much I can still work this year in order to get student aid, I cooked, had a glass or two of nice organic wine, watched TV and ate chocolate, read the news from Helsingin Sanomat, listened to new [for me] music (Phillip Phillips), had an icepackage on my heel, went to do grocery shopping, did laundry, talked with my mom, read a book (which I still didn't finish), scrolled my Facebook and ended up with the thought I always get after Facebook: there's nothing here, why do I waste my time?, I sent whatsapp messages to friends, I ate, slept, brushed my teeth, changed clothes, took a shower few times, organized my papers, 

and still..I COMPLAIN that I haven't done anything. 

I don't know if it's because of the sun is shining today, or my heel is actually maybe getting better or what.

But this is again one of the moments when I just love life, realize that everything is actually pretty good (except the heel...).

Life is wonderful! :)

Summer life

I don't consider myself as a person who loves the summer. Summer is nice, but so is winter, spring and autumn; all of them having characteristics which I dislike and like. I realized that I've already done things I was hoping to do this summer, other than work.

I had a nice project:

Making a bunch of these colorful cans into more muted colored ones. And I think I did a pretty good job, as you can see :)

Thanks to blogger I got this idea!


We went on a bike trip in Helsinki:

A visit at the movie theater (morning movie is a lot cheaper for students).

Lunch at Sundmans Krog, bicycling in Suvilahti, a ride with the elevator to the Olympic stadium's tower, minigolf (which I won), and some fooling around in Sibelius park.









A bad tasting dinner at a Chinese restaurant, some sitting and watching the sunset in Hietsu, and a visit at my work place for glasses of my favorite wine and a dessert.

And that was just one day. We also went to Imatra Big Band Festivals opening, visited our summer place, went for Kotka's Meripäivät.

My summer has been pretty much just working, but I don't mind. I've seen my friends, family, cousins (I forgot to mention a nice picnic in Suomenlinna with cousins and my brother and his girlfriend), washed laundry, cooked and have done just normal everyday-life things.

A day off from work. Grocery shopping (boring). Today I just didn't like to go to the store and buy groceries, but I had to. You compare the prices and have no idea what to cook as you forgot the list at home. Not fun. Frustration is the feeling. You ride the bike home with the shopping bag hitting on your bike, it annoys you. Few more meters until home. Then you have to take all the stuff from the shopping bags and organize them nicely in the fridge (as there isn't much space).

A hotel and flight reservation for two at the end of October - here we come Malta!

I have a problem with my heel. I saw the doctor after a week of pain in the heel. Doctor's order was to use high-heeled shoes and eat medicine. I got a good reason to go and buy new shoes. :) It has bothered me, but I know that I need time and patience with it. Resting. Resting and more resting. I know. But I still had the urge to go to Prisma again to buy some spray paint for the last can. And I realized that I'm missing an electronic mixer for baking, so I bought that also. It's time for baking!

We picked up some black currants from my boyfriend's mom's backyard and now I'm planning to make a pie!

I took a bus to Prisma and back. An old man asked me in the bus: "How are you?" I found it a bit awkward but answered him that I'm okay. After that he left. I don't know why someone would just ask a simple question like that and then turn away. I think it tells how mysterious life can be. If you imagine life as being build up with small mysteries, you realize that you, a person, are a tiny influence to the mysteries happening in your life.

Stop. Take a breath. Relax.

It's been now more or less one month since I started working in restaurant Nokka as a waitress. I had one really rough day this week. I think it was the point that my mind and body said both to me that "hey, you're tired". Something that was not avoidable, and I knew that it would happen some day, just didn't know that the day was Wednesday. I worked 11,5 hours and as I have only been these few weeks as a waitress it's a new thing for me to work such shift. It's no wonder it's called a monkey shift. You really start like feeling one. I know that I've learned a lot and I will keep on learning. But this weekend is for resting. Learning new things happens all around the day, and that's what has been happening to me during my weeks in Nokka, not a surprise you get tired. And yes, that is why I also need to rest :)

Only one problem. I'm really bad at resting. I always need some activity. Tonight I couldn't sleep, I was turning in my bed for 1 hour and now as I'm writing this text, you can guess that I'm still not sleeping. I started to stress my weekend, what am I going to do as I don't have any plans. Will my weekend be boring? Will I just be cleaning the house and doing laundry? Hopefully not.

Some people have been wondering whether I'm crazy or not as I will be working all summer and during the midsummer I have 4 days off from Nokka, I will spend them in the reception of a hotel, working. I think there's a light at the end of the tunnel (like there always is; some people look just too narrowly to see it) I will definitely save money, get a great amount of experience in the restaurant field, and have fun.

Now, maybe. Good night (?)

Birthday surprise

I think I had never done any bigger surprise to anyone. This was my first one. I didn't want to buy my boyfriend just a normal gift with normal stuff inside. I wanted to have a nice day with him and hope that he would appreciate it as a gift from me. So, we woke up and had breakfast. It wasn't a normal breakfast. I put two glasses full of cold water and gave the other one to my boyfriend and took the other one for me. I told him that this was our breakfast. He really thought I was kidding, but I wasn't. We took the train to the center where I put a scarf on his eyes. I held his hand and we walked around town, of course he looked really stupid with the scarf on his eyes. I made him pose in this picture.

Well, I had fun making him do such things. I don't know if he enjoyed it, probably not as much as me. Then I took him to the lobby of Hotel Seurahuone, where I made him sit down and listen to my recording where I told him some stories. In the meantime I took my violin to our table and asked for glasses of sparkling wine. Then I grabbed him from the lobby and guided to sit in our table. I let him take the scarf of and started to play the violin. We got our glasses of sparkling wine and had an amazing brunch! Really delicious, thanks to Brasserie le havre! :)

We enjoyed our brunch and continued our day by going to Korkeasaari Zoo. We were actually both pretty excited.

I know that I have my camera pretty often with me, but I just don't take that many pictures. BUT here are few! A bear in the cave (hard to see, it's sleeping) and me and then also these cute small mongoose.

It was a really sunny day, luckily! Eventhough I had plan B if it would have been raining. We went home and after a little rest, we started to prepare dinner. We had a 4 course dinner with salmon as the main course. We also had a nice white wine with it what I had gotten from school. We also watched a series of Game of Thrones, which actually has surprised me by being pretty nice tv series. And wow! That was a long day, but really nice. It was a real summer day and I was really enjoying it. Although my shoulders burned a bit in the sun.

Summer 2013

It's not sunny, nor rainy, just cloudy. I feel calm, another day free from work, but many things to do.

Let me tell you a little bit about my first week working as a waitress in Ravintola Nokka. I hadn't done basically any waitress jobs before this, so I was really nervous on my first day. I was so sure that I will break all the wine glasses, and plates I would have in my hands, but luckily not. I learned so much in one week that I didn't even know that it's possible. Luckily as I have been working in the reception, talking to customers isn't that hard. But to ask what they want as aperitifs and waiting for their answers, and not having really any clue what should I recommend them if they didn't feel like champagne or beer, was slightly killing me inside. I felt embarrassed for not knowing the sparkling wines or cocktails we had. I was really excited to learn all them though, as well as everything else in the restaurant. When I had to take plates filled with food to the table and introduce them, panic filled my whole body and I probably sounded really stupid while stammering the words to the customers. My self-confidence faded because of the panic. I had a few bad days, even though I smiled at work. I like smiling and I will continue to smile, although everything isn't perfectly. I enjoyed the work, but I think this first week put a lot of pressure on me. I was hating myself because I hadn't studied the Menu enough. But when will it be enough for me? Probably never. I know that it's really typical for me to demand a lot from me, more than I'm able to do. But it's also a fact that keeps me going on and moving forward. The atmosphere in Nokka is fabulous, I don't even know the best words to describe it. Everyone is being nice to me and I always get answers for my questions. Today some studying (these will cover my wall):

Almost everyone likes to have some vacation during summer time, I didn't want that. I like to keep myself busy and Sundays are good time to relax. I may be tired in the autumn, but at least I should have some money saved. Also if I have a night shift, I have all morning to relax and enjoy summer. Like yesterday morning, we went to see PMMP in Maailma Kylässä festival. PMMP is a nice band, which I have been listening many years, and it was nice to see them performing live, as soon it's not possible anymore.

I really enjoyed there gig. Not only because of the music also for the good atmosphere they had on stage.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBGTDL3Ceko


A piece of PMMP for you to listen. :)


So today's plan is to wash dishes, clean my room, iron some clothes, study the menus of Nokka in English, meet my dear friend Mika, go to the gym for a cycling class, and finally eat dinner and have a nice evening with my boyfriend. So the end of the day, just realx. Tomorrow I have a 10-hour shift!

Oh, and please feel welcome to come and eat in Nokka! Wonderful food and really tasty wines! (I've been tasting both during my first week) Check out the Nokka goes wild menu: http://www.ravintolanokka.fi/nokka-ihan-villina

Hope to see you there ! And have a nice summer! :)

Sports

One of the best things in the world is doing sports. I was sick for the last 3 weeks and now I finally got back to the gym. Of course I realized that I have gained weight and it will take me a while to cover up all the work that I had done. This week started our "1st of May" (Vappu) -week, and of course I had to start it by partying with my awesome classmates! Well, that isn't so good for my training..I know. But I decided to leave all junk food, at least for a while. And instead eat more fruits.

I also went to Intersport to buy a pair of running shoes. I haven't been running much because I hated my running shoes that I had before..or I still have but I don't use them, because they make my feet suffer. My new shoes are black/white/purple, so they're pretty nice, and the price of them was pretty nice also (especially cause I didn't have to pay for them). They were almost half price, as they were Intersports campaign product. And I was happy that they were Nike's shoes, I already have one pair which I use in the gym, and they're really good. And if I remember correctly I bought them also half price.

I hope that when my summer starts, I could turn my weight from fat to muscles. I like working out, so it shouldn't be that big of a problem. Or maybe it is, but that's what I'm aiming at. My new shoes will definately help me, and actually I thought that this blog would help me too. Today I went on a Street Dance class, absolutely one of my favorites. You just get on the best mood ever when you have the chance to dance.

I hope the sun which also shone today would make people do more sports! I know everyone likes to be fit for the summer! :)

Why did I stop writing?

Yea, that's what I've been wondering. I like to write, I have time for it and it's fun to write your own blog. Have I just been lazy or haven't I had anything to say? Not possible, or the first one is..being lazy. I've been really lazy, especially in doing homework and concentrating on the lessons. I have actually pretty much no idea what I should of had learned in school during this period, and soon the exams start. I decided that the winter break (which is now) is THE TIME to catch up in school stuff, but no. Here I find myself writing this blog and taking work shifts when I'm offered them. I really tried to start doing the homework. I opened the files the other did last Friday (when I skipped school to see my sister's dance-thing, not regretting it), and realized that I need a lot more time than just one hour to understand those. So maybe another day..but when?! Then I opened the files of the course Basics of Human Behavior and realized that I'm screwed. I haven't written anything to my personal learning diary, which we're supposed to write after every lesson. The worst part, I think the lessons are boring, so I don't listen there. It's almost like psychology, and I know I wasn't that good in it in high school.

I think I've been spending kind of a lot of time at work, now I'm not only working in Seurahuone but also in a Cumulus hotel. I really love the work, when there's something to do. But when there's nothing to do I think it's the most boring job you can imagine. Sitting at the reception and smiling to an empty lobby and waiting for someone to come, that's what it is pretty much. But I realized that the smiling part is pretty natural for me, I can't remember many moments that I would have been smiling behind the reception desk and not smiling naturally. I love smiling :)

I'm really excited about summer. Next week I have 3 interviews coming for a summer job, 2 for restaurants and 1 for a hostel. I'm really curious to know how will I spend my summer. I wish I can get a few days off to go to festivals, for instance I hope I don't miss the Summer Sound festival. Everyone is always waiting for the best summer ever, I'm actually just waiting to have no stress about school, going to work and getting money. So, I can save the money for travelling. Me and Jane are now planning to go for a small trip to Holland and maybe Belgium next month, yey! :) Travellingtravellingtravelling <3 nbsp="" p="">

Travelling

I don't know why I felt like writing about this topic. I know world is a large place and I'd like to travel through most of the countries, which lie on this enormous planet. Now, I've visited in 21 countries:

• Greece
• Spain
• Cyprus
• United States of America (2002-2003)
• Canada (2002)
• Mexico (2003)
• Germany
• Denmark
• Sweden
• Great Britain
• Italy
• Vatican
• Hungary (2007)
• Slovenia (2007)
• Croatia (2007)
• Austria (2008)
• Portugal (2008)
• Estonia
• Russia
• Ecuador (2009-2010)
• France (2011)

and .. I feel like it's not enough. I want to see more! And I know that there's a lot more to see! I don't remember much about every trip. I'm really looking forward to next summer because me and my best friend are going to go on an inter rail for one month to Europe, that's going to be awesome! :)

Travelling gives a lot of new experiences, but mostly it teaches about life and not only the nice side of it but also the negative and the "unwanted" coincidences of it. It's also a lot about learning different cultures, languages, communication skills and different values. It's something I wish everyone could have a chance for.

Beautiful landscapes, high buildings, people, different colors of skin, smiles, people rushing, yellow taxis, rain forests, bridges, fountains, rivers, lakes, sun shining, rain...I want to go abroad! even though I really love my own country.
Some places I'd like to visit:

• New York (city)
• China
• New Zealand
• Belgium (chocolate and great friends there)
• Brazil
• Iceland
• Egypt

...and many more. :)

.....MAYBE someday I'll get the chance!

Surprise, surprise

During the week I've been surprised many times, not only positively but also negatively. I just realized how many times we might get surprised in a week or even during a single day without paying much attention to it. Just a quick thought going through your brains passing on the message of your amazement and then returning to your normal thoughts again.

Dreams

The past week, I've been having a lot of dreams, which I seem to remember well in the mornings. Weird dreams, and I like to wonder where they all came from. I think I have ever had so many dreams during a week and I could remember all of them. All my dreams have been about different situations, none of them continued the next night (happens sometimes).

1. I was in some kind of adventure and we had to jump on to a moving train, after that, my best friend dropped just in front of the moving train and died.
2. I was with other students in a chemistry lab and getting late for my math class and apologizing my math teacher in Swedish (really saying the sentence "I'm sorry that I'm late" in Swedish, in my dream!)
3. I was trying to run away from a fat boy who had an orange t-shirt on, but he got me and suggested that it could be a tie, there would be no winner, I felt like a loser (Why did I give up?)
4. My parents had told me to take my sister to her friends house, who lived somewhere a bit further. I told my sister that they shouldn't go there to have a party, instead of complaining, she told me to start drinking alcohol and invited me to party with them. I just told her that I couldn't drink any alcohol if I was going to drive. Suddenly we were at some bus stop in the middle of nowhere. We were lost.
5. I was going to our sauna with my aunts, but when I got there, something was wrong. It was a dangerous place.
6. I was in a room with 3 of my friends. We were trying to sleep, but me and my other friend couldn't. We decided to go somewhere else. We were walking on a hallway in a hospital.

I was really surprised about all these dreams, they weren't that pleasant. I would actually rather call them nightmares, now, when I have actually really thought more about them. Every morning I woke up, with a distracting feeling.

Photos

These photos were sent by a friend, who wanted to prove that he can cook. I couldn't do anything else but smile. A huge, wide smile. These photos made my day :)











Beggar

4 pm, me and my sister are waiting for my mom to come home from the grocery store. The doorbell rings. My sister doesn't move, me neither. The door opens. Someone knocks on the next door. I get up and run downstairs. I see a man standing in front of the door, in side our house. I was frightened, and because of that I jumped nearly a meter up from the ground. The man was trying to calm me down. He had a note saying that he was selling wooden objects, and asking if I wanted to buy them. I turned my head saying 'no'. He turned the piece of paper over and made me read the other side of the note, which asked if I could give him 2-3 euros even though I didn't want to buy anything. I still felt so frightened that I turned my head again saying 'no', again. The man left. I felt sad for him. I feel sad if someone really has to beg and doesn't have enough money for living. I knew I had some coins upstairs, but I didn't like the fact that the man just came in to our house, without waiting that someone would come and open the door. Not a nice surprise.

You never know what comes up in your life. So be prepared for everything. Learn about yourself through the emotions you go through.

The best day of my life

Me, my mom and my sister were walking down a street in the city Los Cristianos in the Canary Islands and I saw a man wearing a pink sweatshirt which had the text 'The best day of my life' printed on it. The man didn't look really happy, he was carrying a toy car and looking like he really would like to do something else than walk around the city carrying it. Was it really the best day of his life?

I started to think about those six simple words, which are really easy to say, but to mean them literally, that's harder. I'd like to live my life with every day being perfect, being the best days of my life. Will the perfection of the days make them the best ones in my life? How would I describe a perfect day?

Today, I had a perfect day, a normal one. I could actually almost say that this day has been the best day of my life. I have started to do more sports. And I think that I feel more alive than ever. I'm happy almost all the time, I enjoy doing the things I do, I have more energy to use. The year 2012 started pretty well. I realized that I have a loving family, adorable friends, and life is going on smoothly. At the moment, I feel like nothing could be better. (Maybe there are things which could be better, though.)

For homework I had to prepare a short writing about two poems. The poems were about life and the question was how do the poet's describe life. I chose two of them, which described life in the same way. The main message was to live your life in this moment, you never know when you die, you just have to believe in yourself and you can make your life what you want it to be. You can get your names written in the stars and by your actions you can make your life worth living. You shouldn't wait for miracles to happen. Just open your eyes and let your eyes see what's in front of you.

Hearing the cliché "Live every day like it's your last" makes me just forget it in five seconds and not giving it a deeper thought. But the text on the man's sweatshirt and today's poems really made me think about that cliché. Enjoy the things you do, learn from your mistakes and be open for new adventures! Life will give you everything you're ready to absorb. Mind open.

13th of December

Tomorrow! Here I come, France! Can't wait!

8th of December

Français

I had no clue that forgetting a language could happen so fast. I noticed I hadn't used French for a year. I had a French lesson today, and remembering the most typical verbs was so hard that I almost got embarrassed not knowing them. All I could think of, were verbs, nouns and sentences in Spanish. I was hoping there was a on 'n off -button to switch off from Spanish and turn it on to French. But there wasn't. Maybe I should stop watching Serrano's and instead watch movies in French, eg. Amélie.

7th of December

Ecuador on my mind

It snowed yesterday. Snow is really beautiful, at least when looking out from the window. When riding the bike to school, snow is not fun. Usually I have gone to school either by foot or by car when it has snowed. But today, I took my bike and rode it to school really carefully. The streets were so slippery that every second of my trip to school I was thinking "try to stay steady, try to stay steady" and I was repeating and  repeating it again and again. The problem wasn't only that the streets were slippery, they were really bumpy also. The result of putting all my attention on concentrating, I didn't fall. Instead, I looked really stupid, because I was concentrating so much on riding the bike that my face looked like I was mad at everyone, even though I was actually on a really good mood.
I went to buy chocolate, and I continued my way to the post office to send them to Ecuador, for my family. As writing the address down, I was thinking about the men, who worked in the local post office in Ambato. The ones I had met every time I went to get a package or a letter from Finland while my stay in Ambato. The ones, who were always friendly and mostly told me that my package or letter hadn't come yet, I should stop by another day. A smile. 
I thought about the postman who would go to my house (in Ambato), ring the doorbell, talk to the microphone, say his name and tell what he is doing behind the gate, which leads to my house, my host mom walking to the gate to get the package and saying thanks to the postman. And after these thoughts, I gave my package to the woman working in the post office and asked her to send it in 1st class. I hope my family will get the chocolates and a card for wishing them a nice Christmas just before Christmas.

6th of December

The independence day of Finland.

5th of December

Hats in Otavalo, Ecuador. I just love these colors!

4th of December

• Sore throat 
• Cold 
• Tissues
• Frustration 
• Not wanting to do anything 
• Boredom 
• Tea
• A weird acquaintance
• Latin music
• Cheery friends
• Movie
• Los Serrano
• Food

= Today

3rd of December

Competing

Yesterday, I was with my friends playing a board game where you have to explain words. As usually, I noticed that I was desirous to win. I haven't always been as competitive as I am now and I have no idea where it has come from. I know that I always try to aim to the top, not aiming to do my best, but actually aiming to do more than I'm able to, trying to exceed myself. In my opinion it's really important to set goals for oneself, but keep in mind that the importance is not in achieving the goals, it's the journey you take when trying to reach it. If you reach the goal, good. If you don't, lift your head up, stop and think a second, the journey maybe taught you something or at least you might have had fun. I think that life, including the goals you set for yourself, is still about enjoying and having fun even though you might have to confront difficulties.

2nd of December

Thinking about what to write, listening music as an inspiration for my writing, didn't want to write about my favourite bands or favourite music and came up with this photo.

I've played about ten years of violin. When I hear it on TV, played on the streets or maybe on some CD's, I get kind of sad and start missing the times when I played it. I think the sound of it is really beautiful. I still have my violin, and I'm pretty sure I'm not going to sell it. This week, I actually played my violin and it had been a long time since I last played it. It felt kind of weird, but after getting the strings of my violin on the right tone (?), it wasn't that bad and I realized that I hadn't forgotten how to play it. I'm happy that I took violin lessons. Playing the violin gives me peace which I can't get from anywhere else, a peaceful mood.

1st of December

Dream
Enjoy
Celebrate
Eat
Maintain
Believe
Experience
Rest

Frustration

I have my math exam next Wednesday and I'm really getting frustrated. I always aim for good grades, but in math, it's too hard for me. I'm not usually the type of person to just give up, to act like I don't care. Reading the first few pages and really concentrating and putting my efforts on it, writing down numbers and really focusing on understanding, and the result, a mess of numbers on my paper which don't make any sense. And the worst part, I actually have no clue what I've been writing down, though I had tried my best trying to understand it. Or, if I start understanding a bit of what I'm doing, in few seconds I just get lost.

Feeling

A
picture
tells
more
than
thousand
word.

Moving On

Yesterday there was a dance performance, which was probably the last one for me. But you never know, maybe I'll still find myself dancing one day (at least in my dreams). Dancing is a sport which divides opinions of why people do it. Some do it to keep themselves fit, some to express themselves and some do it just for fun. I watched the movie Step Up 3 yesterday, and it had the question "Why do you dance?" several times. I started thinking about myself. Why do I dance? Does it really have a great effect on me? I counted the years I've spent dancing and to my amazement, I've been doing it about 8,5 years. Modern dance, a little bit of breakdance, a little bit of salsa and merengue, I think they are all part of me now. Dancing makes me feel like being a part of something. I have no clue what that something is. I feel like it's a force that keeps me going, in a way, keeps me moving on, along with the music. It takes my mind in to a fascinating place, I'd almost like to call it heaven. It's peaceful and my thoughts are only able to concentrate in dancing and how could I make my movements more fluent and gentle. Dancing is having no worries, it's getting to a destination by hard work, letting your body go with the flow and living in the moment.

The last week, I was on cloud nine

I didn't remember the feeling of joy, which comes along with a true friend. Not seen in a year, we could still start talking right where the discussion had ended a year ago, how amazing. Life surprises my thoughts the most when I'm not expecting it. Like it did now, again. The movie we watched wasn't a laugh a minute, the drizzle during our walk in Helsinki wasn't that pleasant, and starting to talk Spanish suddenly wasn't a piece of cake for me, but this lesson which life just gave me, wasn't about the ups and downs. It was about living in the moment, I feel like I finally learned it. Even though the sun wasn't shining all the time, I can say that I was happily living every moment with great delight. It's a treasure having a friend from a different country and having a possibility to meet her in my home country. It was a pleasure introducing my culture and seeing the look on her face when she marveled the craze of Finn's when going swimming when the temperature was only a few degrees, the fact that we were actually eating reindeer (and it wasn't a joke of my father), how we open the milk cartons, and also a competition of sitting in a digger in a mall aroused some wondering. I hope she enjoyed her visit as much as I did.

Tomorrow!

I remember entering the Cathedral in Ambato, Ecuador. It was the last time I saw my friend, Griet, in Ecuador. It was time for farewell. I felt weird, a totally new feeling which I was going through. I couldn't believe that the next day we wouldn't be going out for ice-creams or taking a bus to some city or a little village in Ecuador. Our farewell wasn't a sad moment, I didn't know yet how much I would miss my friend and would we actually ever meet again. The expression on her face was similar to mine, a mysterious smile which passed me on the message 'Don't worry, we'll see soon". We had a plan to talk in Skype at least once a month. The plan sounded good, but the realization didn't turn out that well.

Now after 1 year, 4 months and exactly 1 week we will meet again. I wonder has something changed in this one year or will I have the same wonderful feeling when around her? For sure, one thing has changed, my Spanish. No accent, just a monotonous Finnish way of talking, no stress at the end of a question, no stress in any words. I'd say it sounds awful.

I'm thrilled to bits! I don't know which way I should be sitting in my chair, what to do, or where to use all this energy which I think I have (eventhough I might not have it). I hope my friend will enjoy her stay here!

Ilusión

"La vida con ilusión tiene sentido, sin ilusión no tiene sentido."

"Tiene que ilusionarse por algo, por lo que sea, para ser feliz."

-Los serrano

"Illuusioiden kanssa elämässä on järkeä, ilman illuusioita ei."

"Pitää uskoa johonkin, mihin vaan, jos haluaa olla onnellinen"

-Serranon perhe

What I want to achieve in life

Forming a family, building an excellent career with a good salary and dying in peace are probably the things which would first come to my mind when thinking about goals in my life. After several minutes of thinking, I’m sure that those goals aren’t the main goals I’m setting for myself. I would rather say that keeping myself healthy not only physically but also mentally is more important. I want to live a life which such experiences that I don’t regret living it.
Having goals keeps me going forward, maybe others too. Achieving something in life gives pleasure and makes people feel satisfied. Without any goals, we wouldn’t ever try to do the best we can and life would be more simple. On the other hand trying too much might harm us and lead our lives to the wrong direction. As it depends on your personality, having goals too high or too low might get you in trouble. The most important fact is to live your life so that it is worth living, with or without goals.

Wanting to say a thousand words, but only a few come out from your mouth

I used to write a diary. I haven't written in a year. The last time I wrote, was in Ecuador. It used to help me, to keep my thoughts in some kind of order. I can't now even open one, or actually I did. Yesterday, I read a page about our trip to Mexico in 2003. Then, I didn't tell my diary a lot about my feelings. The newest one, I don't want to read it, I don't want to even touch it. Maybe some good stories exist there also, but the amount of tears that have fallen from my eyes when writing there, I know, it's alot. Writing a blog is different, actually I like the feeling of writing here. I don't really care if people read this or not. It's something that helps me in a way, that I don't really know how to explain.

Never thought

This situation. Never thought I'd end up in a situation like this. Waking up in the morning at 11 and thinking, I'm still here? Amazing feeling. I write about feelings. I think my life consists of them. Yesterday evening wasn't the bes evening in my life, actually the whole day was pretty painful. The person who made my day so painful didn't know it, I didn't even no it. I didn't know myself anymore. But had I ever known? I thought so. Tears are running from my eyes, and I have absolutely no idea how to stop it. No idea. I know a few things at the moment, I know I have a loving home and a few really good friends, I don't really know if I have something more.

I've learned a lot about life, I didn't actually realize it until this very moment, but I know, I have still lot to learn and I'm going to find out what's still waiting there for me in the future. I'm waiting the moment when I can say to others that Yes, thank you for asking, I'm really feeling good today and meaning it. It might take a while, and I know it. Maybe not even a while, maybe a long while, but I hope the moment comes.

I know I have many people who I own a Thanks to. I haven't really decided how I'm going to say it or what I'm going to do to make those people realize that I really mean that simple word, thanks. Or is it so simple? It's easy to say. But to mean it all the way from my heart, that's something that is hard to show.

Confused

The feeling, when you really don't know what you are feeling. It's weird. Hard to explain. The feeling, when you think you feel something, but do you really feel it? I don't know. I'm pretty emotional sometimes and I can't imagine life without emotions, or without some of them. If there's a lot going on in your life, a lot to think about or maybe important decisions to make, is it possible that some emotions just disappear without realizing it? Are some emotions permanent? Or are they not, is my mind just confusing me? Or is it actually my heart?