Never thought

This situation. Never thought I'd end up in a situation like this. Waking up in the morning at 11 and thinking, I'm still here? Amazing feeling. I write about feelings. I think my life consists of them. Yesterday evening wasn't the bes evening in my life, actually the whole day was pretty painful. The person who made my day so painful didn't know it, I didn't even no it. I didn't know myself anymore. But had I ever known? I thought so. Tears are running from my eyes, and I have absolutely no idea how to stop it. No idea. I know a few things at the moment, I know I have a loving home and a few really good friends, I don't really know if I have something more.

I've learned a lot about life, I didn't actually realize it until this very moment, but I know, I have still lot to learn and I'm going to find out what's still waiting there for me in the future. I'm waiting the moment when I can say to others that Yes, thank you for asking, I'm really feeling good today and meaning it. It might take a while, and I know it. Maybe not even a while, maybe a long while, but I hope the moment comes.

I know I have many people who I own a Thanks to. I haven't really decided how I'm going to say it or what I'm going to do to make those people realize that I really mean that simple word, thanks. Or is it so simple? It's easy to say. But to mean it all the way from my heart, that's something that is hard to show.